The following week, in a five-star hotel of a studio in central London, deep voice meets up with his two other band members. “Come out from behind those keyboards and turn on the lights in here, we’re not on stage. There’s no need to hide”, says the deep-voiced one.

Posh-hermit-producer – an anonymous-looking midget man with a paunch – emerges from behind some 9-foot high instrument racks with a middle-aged blond woman.

“OK, so any ideas for the new single”, deep voice says, so spiritually, it causes a studio engineer to throw himself to the floor and start praying.

“Terrific news”, says the posh man. “I’ve had my first creative thought in three years”.

“I’m feeling God’s hand upon our shoulders already, or maybe its a flashback to a previous life.”, says deep voice.

“Well, I rather thought we’d start with our classic normal kick drum loop – you know, the one all the kids in that Hacienda discotecque adore.”, says posh dwarf. “Then we add in some swirly noises and also a smashing squelchy bassline that’s all the rage among this brand new musical movement call electro I heard a few decades ago.”

“Oh…God help me.”. Deep voice looks crestfallen at the floor. “I suppose I could come up with a five syllable rap and repeat it 50 times as deep as possible”, he growls. He knows what’s coming.

“Yeah, brill,” says the woman, her face having seen a few too many summers. “I’ve got a brand new Korg, and its got a fancy arp-eg-gio function. I can play that say 100 times with some filters?”

“And my sister suggested I add lots of breakdowns and reverb, to, you know, maximise the atmosphere.” says posh shrimp.

“Good old Dido” says deep voice, sarcastically. “Always the innovator”.

“Or alternatively we could slip out a remix of “I can’t get no sleep” and sod off down the pub,” says rah-boy.

“After all, both fans love everything we do, so lets give them more of our winning formula”, says the blond.

“Yeah, we’ll definitely win a Mercury this year,” says deep voice, consoling himself on a spliff. “This track will go down a storm in Rixy’s all around the North East.”

“Er, I hope you don’t mind awfully if I stay in the broom cupboard during the recording chaps?”, says posh boy. “You know, don’t want to blow ones own trumpet eh?”

“Sure”, says deep voice. “You stay at home while we do the tour as well eh. Keep them royalties warm until we return in despair, ready for another five-year sabattical.”

“Jolly smashing ace,” says posh. “While you’re away, I’ll do 10 other remixes of “God is A DJ” and we can release a whole new album.”

http://www.faithless.co.uk/signup/Faithless_SunToMe.mp3

Last time politicians and businesses managed to sink the ordinary person’s life into a pit of despair was in the late ’80s. The theory is that out of those difficult times – when people had little hope and no money – came great cultural change: the invention of acid house and rave culture. OK so the first wave may have only lasted until the CJB became the CJA in 1993 – and the drugs got crap and the Hacienda was closed down. But at that time, in those early years, house music and free parties gave the working classes who couldn’t get a job and were being told they would have to work until they were 80, some sense of enjoyment. So here we are, during a similarly galling and unpredictable recession, just waiting to pounce on some nascent underground social trend as the next saviour of escapism.

Well, we’re still waiting, because its doubful that Chessboxing will ever be a huge crossover movement. What it is, is an unusual and quirky new sport that is emblematic of the kind of surreal thrills that London is becoming more and more renowned for.

Thanks to Heydon Prowse – whose more famous for ambushing his MP these days – for the tip off. The next chessboxing takes place at the Boston Arms in Tufnell Park this coming Friday.

How does it work? Competitors (dressed in boxing trunks) battle each other across alternate rounds of chess (they get to take their gloves off) and boxing. Wins are determined by knockouts, checkmates or points. What’s the point? I have no idea, apart from to promote two great sports that remain – sadly – at the fringes of our society (unsurprising given ITV’s appalling big fight live coverage these days). It should certainly lay to rest the erroneous brains and brawn dichotomy to boot.

Anyhows, it may not change popular culture as we know it, but it certainly sounds like something different to punctuate the normal Friday night inebriation session – theres also a dj until midnight. Tickets range from £15 – 35.

http://www.londonchessboxing.com

Tickets: http://www.londonchessboxing.com/PAGES/Events-%20Tickets.html

Hailing from the Isle of Wight, Bastila are a five-piece psychelic indie outfit signed to Rob Da Bank’s Sunday Best label. Their new single “Ghosts”, released yesterday, was produced by Mark Gardner of Ride and is a haunting, 90’s influenced guitar groove. You can download the single here: http://www.7digital.com/stores/piasmusic_1/artists/bastila/ghosts/

Also on the release is a rework by The Time & Space Machine AKA Richard Norris (of Beyond the Wizard Sleeve fame) which adds old-school cowbell and baggy electro beats of which early Masive Attack would no doubt be proud. Very nice. Thanks to my man Lucius for the tip off on these.

http://www.myspace.com/bastilamusic

Kevin Saunderson Elevator History Album Launch

Kevin Saunderson has been around a fair old time (i’m not going to bore you with his influence on Acid House back in the day) but has managed to keep his tunes fresh and thumping. His 2008 remix of the Presets “This Boy’s In Love” was a bass-tech masterpiece, with sketchy vocal snippet unsettling waves of very dark synths and a thudding beat.

So anyway, he’s got a new album out “History Elevate” (KMS Records & Fabric Recordings), which is essentially a delve into the best bits from his own back catalogue from 1988 to present day. It includes acts such as Inner City (of course) remixed by the likes of Luciano and SMD. On the other CD are Kev’s own remixes, including his classic Cerrone rework (and an interesting take on Octave One featuring his missus Ann).

To launch the LP, he’s teamed up with the very messy Eastern Electrics crew for one of them “secret location” shindigs on Saturday 11th July, 10pm – 6am.

Kevin will be playing on of his trademark nu-detroit sets no doubt, backed up by serious old schol courtesy of Inner City featuring vocals by his wife and Paris Grey (who sang Good Life and Big Fun).

Now, if that’s not good enough to entice every house and techno fan in London, he’s also invited along two guests worth headline status themselves: San Fran’s dirty boogie king Claude Von Stroke and the minimal brain behind Memory Tree Mike Shannon. Neither of whom need any introduction from me.

Tickets are available for £10 in advance or £14 standard – making this one of the best value nights out of the Summer. Enjoy (I will). Tickets are here: http://www.residentadvisor.net/event.aspx?97904

You can check Highlife out here: http://www.myspace.com/highlifehighlife

You can download the gorgeous MP3 “F Kenya RIP” over at Fader magazine here: http://thefader.cachefly.net/Highlife_FKenya.mp3

Its the live blend of summery hip-hop, soul, funk and whatever else you might expect (A-Z of world influences), with a nice NYC vibe. Nickodemus is playing a host of dates over the Summer, but not venturing into wet and rainy Blighty.  If you want to catch him you’ll have to go to Barcelona, to Mondo Mundo Barcelonetta on Jul 29.  I went to the Mundo club myself and had to leave via a back entrance a few weeks back, so maybe not the best choice Nicko.  Although, that may have been something to do with a fight over a Gretel wig, so maybe my bad.  There’s a MP3 to download below, and also a streaming player – make your own mind up.

http://www.rephlektorink.com/kits/sunchildren.mp3

Katherine Nolan

Couldn’t help start this fledgling music blog by writing about an event featuring fellow blogger Katherine Nolan. You can find her here: http://katherine-nolan.blogspot.com/

Shunt – the SE1 venue that seems to stay well ahead of everyone else when it comes to the strange but accessible – is hosting a performance from Ms Nolan from the 24th – 28th of June.  Nolan – whose PHD is rather menacingly entitled “Seducing the Machine: Narcissism and Performance in Contemporary Feminist Practice” – will perform alongside a video piece of herself.  So its all about the live and the mediated, with a feminist aesthetic. (Strange to think I wrote on such matters, back in the hazes of 2002.)

Well, it should make for a very interesting evening.   Thanks to the Mart arts collective for that one – www.mart.ie

Details you might need:

SHUNT
20 Stainer St
(entrance under London Bridge station)
SE1 9LR
Entry: £5 Weds & Thurs/£10 Fri & Sat
come early to avoid queues
http://www.shunt.co.uk/